


The "Us" Talk

by someofthissomeofthat11011



Category: Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-07
Updated: 2018-04-07
Packaged: 2019-04-19 11:03:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14235885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/someofthissomeofthat11011/pseuds/someofthissomeofthat11011
Summary: Takes place the day after the Tilt-a-Whirl. Simon and Bram are cautious around each other at school the day after the carnival and that evening, they have the “us” talk. However, things rarely go to plan. Simon/ Bram.





	The "Us" Talk

 

Simon hesitated outside the door to his English class. He couldn’t wait to enter the classroom, but at the same time, he was terrified. They hadn’t said a single word about how they were going to navigate school. He wasn’t sure if Bram wanted people to know or if he wanted to keep it between them right now. They had held hands the night before, but that was at a dark carnival that was closing, so there had been little risk of being seen.

Simon shouldn’t have worried so much. Bram’s face lit up like a Christmas tree when he saw Simon… or a menorah might be a more appropriate analogy, Simon mused. Bram didn’t try to hold his hand, but they sat close to one another on the couch and there was a lot of knee touching that both of them pretended was the accidental result of flipping a page of the book or scratching a phantom itch in their own knee or stretching their arms. At one point, they unintentionally made eye contact when Bram was pretending to stretch and his hand rested on Simon’s knee for nearly ten seconds until an uncomfortable cough from Garrett reminded them that they were in the middle of class.

The rest of the day passed in a similar manner. There was a lot of touching that was intentionally planned to look unintentional. They saw each other between almost every class, resulting in Simon being late to nearly every class. To his surprise, his teacher’s didn’t do much other than tell him to try to get to class on time in the future. He supposed they still felt bad for him. Him being outed wasn’t just gossip among the students, which made him a little uneasy to think about.

Despite seeing each other in their two shared classes, in between every class, and at lunch, Simon still felt an inexplicable need to spend more time with Bram. Simon supposed he should be grateful he had so many classes without Bram. It gave him a lot of time to perfect the subtle art of intentional-unintentional-contact. They didn’t do anything that would alert anyone else that something out of the ordinary was occurring between them... well anyone except for Abby who clearly spent the entire day staring at Simon and Bram in between classes and connecting dots.

Despite the fact that he was grounded and this would likely extend his sentence, when Bram asked him if he wanted to talk after school, Simon didn’t hesitate to say yes. It was a good thing that Bram didn’t have soccer practice on Mondays or Fridays, because Simon couldn’t bare the thought of delaying this conversation and he was willing to face the wrath of his parents to make it happen. He sat in the passenger seat of Bram’s Honda Civic, marveling at how clean it was. It was very Blue.

For a couple of minutes, they sat there in silence. It was a new feeling for them. Blue and Jacques always knew exactly how to talk to each other. They could make jokes about sex and share their deepest, darkest secrets with one another without a second thought. Simon and Bram were another story. Both were nervous about breaking down the cyber walls and being together in real life. They cared so deeply about one another, they didn’t want anything to get in the way of that, especially not the awkwardness and nerves that accompany a new relationship. It was especially difficult because this was a brand new relationship, but they felt like they had been dating for months. “Do you... uh... want to go to Waffle House?” Simon asked uncertainly.

“That’s sounds good to me,” Bram said. He looked relieved that the silence had been broken. They talked about school on the way to Waffle House. Bram teased him about being so distracted in English and Algebra. Simon embarrassed him by pointing out that he was the distraction. They didn’t talk about the important things, but Simon valued that he didn’t have to hide his day-to-day anymore.

Simon hadn’t expected things to be so tense between them and he had a feeling that the tension would not be broken until they finally talked. It wasn’t an unpleasant tension, it more so felt like there were questions buzzing between them that were begging to be asked.

Bram drove primarily with his left hand, his right hand rested near the gear stick. Without asking for permission or making a big deal about it, Simon brought his hand near Bram’s. Bram immediately entwined his hand with Simon’s. They were silent the rest of the drive.

It was a short trip to Waffle House. They were seated the moment they walked in the door as it wasn’t too crowded. Simon stared at the words on his menu, barely able to recognize the words. After a few minutes, he pushed his menu aside. He would just ask for whatever Bram ended up getting. “So...” Simon said, finally breaking the silence.

“So...” Bram repeated, a soft smile on his face.

Before either of them had the chance to say anything their waiter came over to take their orders. For a minute after he left, an awkward silence spread between them.

“Ugh,” Simon said. “I’m sorry, I’m so nervous.”

“You’re nervous? I’m nervous,” Bram said, a smile on his face. “I have no idea how to start this. You’re the one who’s good with words.”

“I’m not the poet here,” Simon pointed out. “And if I recall, both you and Mr. Wise are in agreement about my sentence fragments.”

Bram shrugged. “I happen to like your sentence fragments even if Mr. Wise doesn’t. But, you know what I mean. You always know what to say… online and in real life. I’m not like that. It’s not easy for me to talk about my feelings.”

“It’s not easy for anyone to talk about their feelings. It’s kinda like at some point, you accept that the floor isn’t going to open up and swallow you to save you from the embarrassment, so instead you embrace it. But, I do know what you mean. It’s not that you don’t know what to say, you’re just quiet.” There was a short silence. “I guess a good place is to decide what this is,” Simon said as he gestured between the two of them. “What I mean is... what now? What do you want this to look like?”

“What do you mean?”

For a moment, Simon was so distracted by the way Bram scrunched up his forehead, he was unable to formulate a sentence. “I... uh...” He shook his head to clear it. “I don’t know what you want... whether you’re ready to be out yet.”

Bram hesitated. “I don’t know,” he said softly. “It’s not that I don’t like you, I do… Believe me, I like you so much it’s distracting. I just… It’s such a big step to be out to the world and… I guess I have some questions for you.”

“Ask away,” Simon said, gesturing to him. He leaned back in his seat and waited.

“I’ve known for a long time... or at least suspected for a long-time that it was you. Did you never suspect it was me? I know you said you didn’t know, but did you never....” Bram trailed off as he figured out how to word his question. He pointedly looked at the table instead of at Simon. “Did you never want it to be me?”

Just like that, Simon understood. He glanced around and grabbed Bram’s hand. “I didn’t realize it was you, because I thought you were straight,” Simon answered honestly. “There were many days that I wished it wasn’t true... like Gender Bender day when you dressed up like a cheerleader.” Simon flushed just thinking about it. “The skirt… And your smile… And calves...” He was beginning to lose his train of thought remembering how cute Bram looked that day. “I’ve always thought you were cute, but quiet. Ironically, if I hadn’t felt guilty for thinking you were cute, I probably would have been able to figure out that you were Blue.”

“Why did you feel guilty?” Bram asked curiously.

“I felt like I was cheating on Blue… on you in a way. I know we only knew each other over e-mail, but I dunno… it felt so real. And after that day in lunch, I was convinced you liked Leah, so I never thought that the person I was talking to you was you.”

Bram shook his head. “Garrett knew about everything. About me, about our e-mails, you being my mysterious pen pal that had me… oh what did he say ‘glued to my computer screen for months’. He wasn’t wrong. I came out to him when I got back from Savannah. After coming out to my mom and dad... it just felt right that I tell him. And by that point, everyone knew about you so I didn’t feel like I was betraying your trust so much by talking about our e-mails. He was surprisingly interested in my love life and that day, he was trying to get me to tell you who I was. I guess I could see why you would think he was nudging me towards Leah and not you.”

“I wish I hadn’t been so oblivious,” Simon said wistfully.

“I wish I had talked to you more in real life,” Bram said with a shrug. “I can’t put that blame on you. I... ” Bram shook his head. “Nevermind.”

“No, what were you going to say?” Simon asked curiously.

“Nothing really. Just that I always had trouble talking in front of you,” Bram said. He could feel himself flushing.

Simon couldn’t help but smile. “Did I overwhelm you with my rugged good looks?”. Simon flexed his bicep jokingly, intentionally emphasizing his lack of muscle as he wagged his eyebrows at Bram.

Bram started laughing and after a moment, Simon joined him. The tension that had formed between them was mostly gone.

Bram looked noticeably more at ease after that. Their food was brought over to their table and just as Simon was about to take a bite, he was struck by a realization. “You said questions. Plural.”

Bram squirmed uncomfortably. “I did.”

“What other questions did you have?” Simon asked him.

“You must have thought Blue was someone.” Bram was looking at the table. This was the question that had been eating away at him since Simon had tried to guess who he was and had guessed wrong. “I’m just curious as to who.”

Simon could feel his cheeks turning red. “I don’t want this to change anything,” he said, his voice barely an audible whisper. “I don’t want it to make it weird.”

Bram sighed. “I don’t mean to make this difficult and I don’t know why it’s so important to me... but it is.” In a weird way, Bram felt like he was scoping out the competition.

Simon studied Bram for several moments, his gray eyes clouded with something Bram could only define as fear. “At first, I thought it was Cal. I thought that maybe he was flirting with me... Actually, after Martin outed me, I found out he was kind-of flirting with me. And then he was into superheros and I dunno… in retrospect, I guess it was obvious it wasn’t him. He was my guess, but when you shot that down, I just kinda gave up on him. I fell in love with Blue and when he wasn’t Blue, I wasn’t interested. After Cal...” Simon stopped talking for a moment. Bram closed his eyes, certain that he wasn’t going to like what came next. In his mind, he was drawing up a picture of a mysterious, handsome stranger that could potentially hold Simon’s heart. It made him surprisingly jealous. “I thought it might have been Martin.” Bram nearly objected, but Simon went on. “Martin Van Buren, you know? I was afraid… no that’s not strong enough. I obsessed about it for days and even got extremely drunk because of how afraid I was that he might have been sending me those e-mails as a joke. I agonized about it for days until I realized that you were sending me messages while I was in rehearsal, so it couldn’t be him. That was a relief. After that, I stopped guessing and tried to figure out how I could get you to reveal yourself to me. Hence the e-mail I sent you.”

Bram smiled to himself. That wasn’t nearly as bad as what he had built up in his head. “Okay,” he said. He nearly laughed, he suddenly felt as weightless as a cloud. He hadn’t realized how worried he had been about this.

“You look relieved,” Simon observed curiously.

“I guess you could say I am... you’ve just been so popular this last week. I know not all of it’s been good, but I was just a little worried...”

Simon stared at Bram until he made eye contact. “You have absolutely nothing to be worried about.”

Bram couldn’t help himself as his smile stretched across his face. He couldn’t have frowned if he wanted to... and believe him, he didn’t want to. He almost started to reach for Simon’s hand, but stopped himself. His smile faded and he looked at Simon nervously.

“Here’s the thing. I don’t know that I’m ready to be out to the world. Close friends that we know won’t spread it around is one thing and our families should know eventually, but… I don’t know. I kind of like the safety of my little closet. And I don’t know if there’s room for another gay kid at our school.”

“It’s roommier out here than you would think,” Simon said gently. “Look, I don’t want you to feel pressured, but I also don’t want to hide you. I lo-really like you and I don’t want to feel like you’re my dirty, little secret.”

“I don’t want to hide this either,” Bram admitted. “I really don’t. I want to shout it from the rooftops that we found each other. I’m just…” he frowned as he tried to find the right word.

“Scared that there are homophobic sharks in between… oh, what was it? You and the shore worth swimming to?” Simon suggested.

The corner of Bram’s lips twitched. He could recognize that Simon was referencing his post where he came out to the school without revealing who he was. The very post that had led to them getting to know each other. Without it, they may never have found each other. “You remember what I wrote? That was months ago!”

“I remember just about everything,” Simon said quietly. He stared at Bram so intensely, Bram found himself blushing.

Bram sighed. He had no idea what to do. “I’m going to run to the bathroom. When I get back, we can finish talking about us. We’ll figure this out. Alright?”

Simon grinned. “Alright.”

Simon couldn’t eat. He couldn’t wait to actually have this conversation with Bram. Simon looked around Waffle House, studying everything from the syrup dispensers to ceiling tiles as a way of passing time.

Simon did a double take as two people entered Waffle House. He paled as he realized why they looked familiar. They were the guys that had sported the signs during one of the play rehearsals. They had gotten suspended for three days as a result and Simon highly doubted that they were here for a friendly chat.

One elbowed the other and nodded in Simon’s direction. He considered following Bram’s example and escaping to the bathroom, but knew he hadn’t made up his mind quick enough when they walked towards his table.

Simon had a sickening feeling in the pit of his stomach. He knew whatever they wanted, it wasn’t going to be good. He didn’t know if he wanted Bram to come to his rescue like he was a damsel in distress or if he wanted Bram to stay in the bathroom for fear that whatever they were about to say would push him further into the closet.

“Hey fag,” one of them said. He looked like he was simultaneously trying to look indifferent and condescending and the result was a weird grimace that settled on his face and made him look like he was in pain.

Simon chose to ignore him. He didn’t think they would do anything in a public diner. He was so wrong.

The one that had been wearing the skirt during play practice sat down next to Simon. He leaned in uncomfortably close. Simon retreated so he was pressed against the wall at the far corner of the booth. Still the guy got closer and closer until Simon could feel his breath on the side of his neck. He refused to look at him. He felt like he would be giving into him if he did.

“You like this, don’t you fag,” he whispered. His voice was hard and cold. Simon gulped, terror truly setting in. The kid twisted his hand painfully in Simon’s hair. It took everything in him to not cry out. He wasn’t convinced that he wasn’t trying to pull out a chunk of his hair.

Pulling on Simon’s hair had the effect of forcing him to look towards him. The moment he did, the guy leaned close to Simon. Simon tried to pull back, but clearly he was not as strong. He stopped when he was less than an inch from Simon’s lips. “You like this don’t you. Wish I were your boyfriend.”

“Sorry, but that position is filled,” Simon said without thinking. Simon closed his eyes. Why was that his instinct? Bram wasn’t even technically his boyfriend… at least not officially.

The guy’s eyes widened with glee. “You got yourself a little fag boyfriend? I cannot wait to meet him.” From the glint in his eyes, Simon had a feeling he was talking about the m-e-a-t kind of meet.

This time, Simon managed to resist the impulse to sarcastically tell him that fag boyfriend was redundant. Instead, he settled on a feeble, “He’s got nothing to do with this. Leave him alone.”

“I think your fag boyfriend’s got everything to do with this. So whose butt does it go in? We aim for accuracy when we perform for our fans.”

It apparently dawned on the other guy that there were two plates in front of Simon. “Wait… is he here? Are you on a date?” He looked like Christmas came early. “This is rich. Which one is he?” He scanned Waffle House. Simon hoped that Bram would be in the bathroom long enough that these kids would get bored and leave him alone.

Simon shut down and closed his eyes. He allowed himself to go slack and forced himself to focus on the e-mails he and Bram had sent back and forth. He would get through this as long as he kept thinking about those e-mails.

The pain in his head increased significantly now that he wasn’t trying to offset the pressure of the guy’s grip; however, that paled in comparison to the guilt he felt. He never intended to rope Bram into their homophobia. When it had been just him, that was different. He couldn’t be responsible for Bram being miserable. He suddenly understood what Bram meant when he said there wasn’t enough room for another gay kid at their school. There were a handful of students that were out and open about their sexuality; however, they mostly stayed in the shadows. Simon had been thrust into the spotlight from the moment he had been outed and it had resulted in stupid assholes like them trying to make him miserable. If this was what Bram would face, Simon would gladly hide their relationship as long as possible. He would gladly do what he could to shield Bram from this.

Suddenly the guy was gone. Simon looked around to find out why he had disappeared… not that he was upset. His jaw nearly dropped when he saw Bram squaring off against the two guys. Bram wasn’t nearly as big as the guys; however, he was emanating pure anger which made him seem like he could take both of them. Simon had never seen this side of Bram. He looked strong and dangerous. Simon supposed he should be frightened, but he wasn’t. Not even a little bit. In fact, he couldn’t keep his eyes off of him in a way that had nothing to do with watching a potential fight.

“Hey Simon?” Bram said, his voice quivering with anger. His back was to Simon who was still massaging his head where he felt like his hair was still being pulled despite the fact that he had been released.

“Yeah?”

“You better make some room, because I’m coming out. And I’m all in,” Bram said. He suddenly moved in a flurry of motion. Simon heard a sickening crack and then… “Ow, ow, ow!” Bram squealed. He was shaking his hand and seemed to be in significant pain. The guy he had punched was in even worse condition. Almost instantaneously, the bottom half of his face became drenched in blood.

Simon ignored the sudden cries of outrage as patrons realized that there had been some sort of fight. He had eyes only for Bram. Bram was holding his hand gingerly and Simon worried he had broken his hand. He had heard about that happening if you didn’t punch right, but somehow he never imagined he would find himself in a situation where Bram would even be throwing punches, much less throwing them incorrectly.

Three hours later, they were sitting in the emergency room still waiting to be seen. An unpleasant nurse had found them some ice about an hour ago, when Simon threw what Bram described as a temper tantrum.

Simon felt it was the least he could do. Some first date, he thought bitterly. He could not feel more guilty if he tried. This was supposed to be a big moment between the two of them. They should have been able to hold hands and relish in the fact that they had finally found each other and were finally together.

Not for the first time, Simon stood up and began pacing. He understood that Bram’s injury was considered “a minor injury that did not merit immediate attention” according to the nurse he kept bothering, and Simon completely agreed that the person that almost sawed off their hand and the little girl that couldn’t breath definitely took precedence to a potentially broken hand; however, the wait was starting to try his patience.

Simon huffed. He knew it wasn’t the wait that was bothering him. It was what had happened in Waffle House. Because of him, Bram was out. He didn’t have the chance to get there on his own. He was thrust into it. Simon knew from experience how much that sucked.

As if to add insult to injury, because he had punched someone, Bram had been interrogated by the police. When the officer had first approached them looking for an “Abraham Greenfield” with regard to a “recent assault”, Simon had been terrified that Bram was going to get arrested or something and he immediately began babbling to the police woman about how it had been self-defense and that Bram had just been trying to protect him. To her credit, the police officer did not interrupt him once. He ended with a pitiful, “and I don’t even know their names.They’re just doing this because we’re… we’re gay.” Only after Simon had gotten everything off his chest, the officer explained that she was also investigating the alleged hate crime that had occured prior to the assault happening as several statements she had collected suggested the attack was provoked. Then she thanked him for his statement and turned her focus to Bram. She only spoke with him for a few minutes, but Simon felt significantly more at ease once she was gone.

“Look,” Simon said, unable to take it anymore.

“Simon, don’t,” Bram said. “I can see you feel bad, but it’s not your fault. I’m the one that punched him.”

“That’s not what I’m sorry for. You didn’t want…” Simon sighed frustratedly. “This isn’t how I wanted it to happen. I know how hard it is to be outed and you didn’t deserve this. I would have waited, but you didn’t get to make that choice. I’m so, so sor-”

“Abraham Greenfield.”

Simon sighed. They had been waiting almost three hours for Bram to be called, but somehow Simon wished they had waited just another minute so he could beg for Bram’s forgiveness and actually finish their talk. But he was out of time. Dutifully, Simon followed Bram and the nurse.

Bram’s hand was broken in two places and thanks to some pretty intense painkillers he was incredibly loopy as Simon drove him home. Simon wondered what was in the painkillers they had given him. Bram kept knocking his cast against the window and giggling.

They had apparently gotten really lucky. The on-call orthopedic had been preparing to leave when he got the request to put a cast on Bram. If he had chosen to leave anyway, Bram would have had to wait until the next morning to even make an appointment with a doctor, which would have sucked. Now, Bram sported a deep blue cast. The doctor had made a joke about how no one would be able to sign it. Bram didn't say what he was thinking, which was: he probably didn’t want to know what people would write once word spreads that he's gay. He just shrugged off the doctor and accepted the medicine that they promised would help with the pain.

It was dark when they got out and Bram marveled at the miracle of daylight savings and how it caused it to be dark so early. Simon had texted his mother to let her know where he was and why he was late. She had just responded with “We'll talk when you get home.” So needless to say, Simon was in no rush to get home.

As they were driving past a park, Bram suddenly shouted “STOP!!!!”

Simon cursed as he slammed on the brakes instinctively, his heart pounding in his ears. Bram’s car’s brakes were a lot stronger than Simon was used to. The slightest pressure on the brakes practically caused the car to come to a dead stop, so slamming on the brakes as fast as he did caused him and Bram to be thrown roughly into their seat belts. He looked around, half expecting there to be some kind of accident that had caught Bram’s attention. Bram was out of the car before Simon even put it in park. Simon could only stare as Bram span in circles singing an Elliott Smith song to himself. He had never seen Bram so carefree or silly before. It was refreshing in a way.

After a moment, Simon got out and joined Bram. “Look at the stars Jacques. Look at them. So beautiful. Our love is written in the stars toniiiiiiiiight!” Bram sang. He span a few more times before he fell back on his butt. Simon hoped that was intentional.

Simon couldn't help but chuckle. “We should probably be getting you home. Your mom seemed pretty worried when I called her from the ER.”

Bram shook his head. “No,” he said. His voice sounded weirdly resolute for someone that was under the influence of doctor prescribed painkillers. “When I go home, there will be questions and another ‘condom every time, even for oral’ conversation waiting for me.” Bram suddenly started giggling. “I guess that's something we’ll actually have to pay attention to now that we can love each other in real life and not just through a computer screen huh? Not any more, no siree. Though I guess I was cheating, because I kinda knew it was you almost from the beginning so I didn't have to think about a tall, dark, and mysterious stranger. I got to think of you and...” Bram blushed a bit as he giggled again. “And allll the sex stuff we talked about. I had a face to picture.” He moaned and quickly jumped to his feet. Without one of his hands to support him, he immediately fell back and looked around confused.

Simon could feel his face flushing bright red. It was a good thing Bram was a little out of it. Simon had a feeling he would be mortified if he realized what he was saying. Simon got to his feet. “Here, I'll help.”

Bram shook his head. He patted the ground next to him and looked at Simon expectantly. Simon hesitated only a moment before he sat down next to Bram. Bram immediately snuggled into his chest. Sitting there and holding Bram, Simon felt like all was right in the world. It was easy to forget that Bram was actually high on painkillers because he had punched two guys. It was easy to forget that he was going to be grounded until he graduated. It was easy to forget about everything except Bram.

Bram yawned big and closed his eyes. “Love you.” He said it so quietly, it was barely audible, but Simon heard it. He held Bram just a little tighter and closed his eyes to truly appreciate that moment.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he was jolted awake by what sounded like an explosion. He opened his eyes and could seeing the dying embers of a firework someone must have set off. When the next one went off, Bram sat straight up, his eyes filled with fear.

“It’s okay,” Simon whispered. “It’s just fireworks.” He watched as Bram slowly relaxed. “How are you feeling?”

“My hand hurts, but other than that, I feel fine,” Bram told him. “Look, about what I said before. I’m sorry...”

“Hey, no worries. You were hopped up on painkillers. We all say things we don’t mean when we’re not in our right mind,” Simon said with a shrug. He hadn’t expected Bram to profess his love for him and he knew Bram only said it because of the side effect of the painkillers. It was one thing to know that, it was another to have it confirmed and Simon was willing to avoid that conversation forever.

Bram looked at him confused. “What are you talking about?” Bram asked.

“You don’t remember?” Simon’s eyebrows were arched. What was in those painkillers?

“I remember everything I said. And I meant every word.” Bram looked so focused and so sincere, Simon couldn’t doubt him.

“Then what are you apologizing for?” Simon asked.

“I was talking about at Waffle House,” Bram said slowly. “I wasn’t thinking about you when I said I wasn’t ready to come out. It wasn’t fair for me to want to protect my secret when you are dealing with people… people like that.” Bram’s facial expression darkened. “I knew that some people were giving you crap for this, I just didn’t realize… I’m happy to be out if it means you don’t have to go through this alone. That’s what I should have said and I’m sorry I didn’t.”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who should be sorry. You weren’t ready to come out. There’s nothing wrong with that. You know that I felt the same way before I got outed. But because of me, you didn’t have much of a choice.”

“You didn’t do anything to those assholes. They are just assholes.” Simon stared at Bram. He had never really cursed in any of their e-mails, except when he was quoting Simon. Asshole was hardly a curse, but it was the most profane Simon had ever heard Bram be. Bram saw Simon open his mouth, so he quickly continued speaking before Simon could try to apologize again. “Look, let’s both agree that we forgive the other.”

“That’s easy enough for me,” Simon agreed.

They sat side by side for a few minutes before Bram broke the silence. “Why did you think I would apologize for what I said before?” He asked curiously.

“I just figured you said some stuff that you normally wouldn’t have said,” Simon said with a shrug.

“But all stuff I’ve been genuinely thinking since I found out who you are,” Bram told him. He was rubbing circles into Simon’s hand. “I guess I just needed some courage to actually say it out loud.” Simon felt his breath catch in his throat.

“All of it?” Simon asked. He wasn’t looking at Bram, but he had a feeling Bram could see the deep flush creeping up his neck.

Bram took a deep breath. “I’m not really ready to talk about the sex stuff yet,” he admitted. “I don’t regret that I put it out there and at some point we will have to talk about the every-time-even-oral rule and what that means for us, but right now, I want to focus on getting to know you as Simon and not as Jacques.”

Simon looked away. “That’s not what I was referring to.”

“Then what… oh!” Bram’s gaze softened. He gently lifted up Simon’s head so Simon had no choice but to look at him. Once he made eye contact, he held Simon’s hands and looked deep into Simon’s eyes. “I meant what I said. When I said I was all in at the diner, it wasn’t just because those guys were harassing you. I’ve done little but think about you since you commented on my post. I love that you can make the perfect joke to help me forget about Little Fetus or my dad knocking up my stepmother. I love that you gave me someone that I could talk to about anything. I love that you never judged me for being weird or awkward. I even love your sentence fragments.” Bram’s lips twisted up into a smile. “I meant what I wrote on that note. I love so many things about you.” He tightened his hold on Simon’s hands. “But most of all, I love you Simon Spier.”

That was all it took for Simon to get the courage to do what he wanted to do. All of the books he had read made him think it would happen slowly. In the books, the guy always caresses the girls cheek and then slowly leans in to build up the anticipation.

He didn’t try to build up the anticipation of their first kiss. They had had months and months of anticipation. He couldn’t bear the thought of prolonging it one more moment. Once the urge overtook him, he crashed his lips to Bram’s. Kissing Bram was like nothing he had ever experienced before. Simon had kissed a couple of girls, but it had been like kissing a mannequin that just happened to kiss back.

Bram was no mannequin. The feelings he inspired in Simon were so foreign and so intense that Simon didn’t even try to make sense of them. They had some mishaps as Bram figured out what to do with his cast and as Simon figured out what to do with his hands and as they both figured out how to avoid bumping noses and teeth.

They broke apart when they heard another firework go off. They grinned at each other, their cheeks flushed and their eyes wild with lust.

As cliche as it was, they didn’t care. They kissed again under the sparks of the fireworks. Simon felt warm all over. He doubted he would ever get tired of kissing Bram.

It was fitting, Simon reflected. They had waited so long to get to a point where they could be together. They deserved all of the wonderful, romantic, corny cliches that came so easily to other couples. They knew in the upcoming months, they would be subjected to endless stares and whispers, a lot of hate, and even more disapproval. No matter what came their way, they knew they would get through it, because this was love. And they had earned the right to their love story.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I had the idea of Bram being giggly and loopy on painkillers and somehow this was the result of that idea... I'm not sorry. I am so in love with both the book and the movie and I do not think there can ever be enough cutesy stories about Bram and Simon. I'm pretty sure their relationship is my spirit animal.
> 
> That being said, if you like my writing style and there's a fic you would like to see, let me know! I am in the process of writing a book, so the more practice I can get in the better :)


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